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Welfare
  #1  
Old 07-08-2013
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Pulaski Pulaski is offline
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Default Welfare

Guy walks into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi. You know...., I just HATE

drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just

got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and

bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2013

Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to

escort the daughter on her overseas trips. This is

rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to

satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather

strong sex drive."



The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"



The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it."
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  #2  
Old 07-08-2013
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badaa bing!
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  #3  
Old 07-08-2013
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JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT
  #4  
Old 07-20-2013
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Thumbs down JESUS AND THE DEMOCRAT

No greater truth has ever been told

A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee, on him.

The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down, and hollered, "Hey there
honey! How's about getting me a cold mug of Miller Light?" He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold beer. "On my bill," he said loudly.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him, and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the
strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him, and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling.

The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm on
disability."

Jack
aka Kerflumoxed
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